Patience is not a virtue

patience is not a virtue I have a lot of, it used to be but it exists no longer within the confines of this fleshy body.

It's been a long week that consisted of me barely finishing my 4 mile run yesterday. At about mile three the tears began to pour and I was thankful I had the gym to myself because the words that I spat at myself in that stupid wall sized mirror weren't cute or decent for another's ears.

I'm disappointed in myself, in my performance, in the recent surge of cravings I've been experiencing and my absolute no interest in eating the good stuff. I'm tired, no, I'm exhausted. I'm stressed, I'm excited and I hate waiting.

Perhaps that's why I am hurt. Yep, the foot thing. I forced myself to finish my run yesterday even though I was cursing myself quite loudly for being so stupid. See, even I knew it was bone headed move but I couldn't get my legs to stop.

Is is just the shoes? Am I risking a strain? Or even worse, a break? I don't know. There isn't any pain, it just swelled on Monday. I have no patience or time for this, doesn't my body know I race in 2 1/2 weeks, I wanna race tomorrow. I have to race, if I can't then what was the point of training 6 days a week and eating a bunch of crud that I hate?

Tomorrow is a nine miler and I am doing it on the ever boring treadmill. That way if something goes wrong I am close to home or can change out the shoes,if that's the problem.

You know you hear brides to be always saying, "I wish it were over" after getting to the point where planning is no longer fun and all the chaos has taken over. That's where I am, I wish I were racing tomorrow because I am more than prepared now. If my foot sits me out now, I won't be prepared then.