Oy! I started getting nerves about this race last week. This morning however, fear set in and at about 8:30 a.m. I was almost paralyzed. I quickly dressed, got out the door and moved on to running errands in order to keep myself busy.
I got to the office way earlier than need be only to find our water cooler was leaking water all over our carpet. "Good,"I thought," something to keep me busy." Now, here I sit, twindling my thumbs, surfing the same sites between phone calls, emails and my usual day's work. Trying so hard to not think about it.
Why am I scared? I know I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Part of me is scared of the unfamiliar hilly course, I am expecting my legs to be completely trashed. Valentine's Day activities that day will most likely be out because I'll be laid up in bed unable to move. This is what I am preparing for at aleast. Hoping for better.
I actually think I am more scared about what comes afterward. Everything changes. No more pressure of the training. No more hard training unless I want to- and even then at least a week following will be no working out altogether.
It's the same anxiety I had when I hit my weight goal. The uncertainty of what to do next. How much was enough or too much and how often? My diet will need to revert to weight loss diet, just more food obviously. And while at this point I have to admit I am tired of eating- I never thought I would ever feel that way- I am not looking forward to all the rules again.
I'm scared. Plain and simple of what the future holds, perhaps more than running 26.2 miles straight.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Aches and Pains
My 9 miler yesterday wasn't too bad. I say that in the sense that it could never have been too bad since I wasn't running twenty-something- crazy miles but my mental focus wasn't there which meant it felt like it took forever to complete. The funny development is the aches and pains that have creeped up on me since last Sunday's 24 miler.
Each time I run my legs ache. Ache like they ran a marathon. It hurts but in a weird way, in an uncomfortable way I mean. It makes it hard to sit still, hard to lay still but even harder to walk or stand.
Yesterday I stood in the kitchen for about 4 minutes as I inhaled my dinner. That feat in itself was a disaster for my feet. I had to immediately sit down and when the gap between the chair and the leg support of the recliner (when reclined) didn't support my knees well enough I needed to go soak my muscles in a warm bath.
I am not used to this discomfort, to this endless dull ache. I read this morning that it's normal. that the body as been finely tuned and in the last three tapering weeks of training the body feels the tuning. I should be proteining up this week, the protein allows the muscles to repair themselves, refresh themselves. Then next week I need to carb up. I had it backward, sort of.
So I finished off the brownies so they would stop tempting me and now I need to focus on protein. Hopefully an egg, peanut butter, milk, cheese and meat will take my dull aches away.
Each time I run my legs ache. Ache like they ran a marathon. It hurts but in a weird way, in an uncomfortable way I mean. It makes it hard to sit still, hard to lay still but even harder to walk or stand.
Yesterday I stood in the kitchen for about 4 minutes as I inhaled my dinner. That feat in itself was a disaster for my feet. I had to immediately sit down and when the gap between the chair and the leg support of the recliner (when reclined) didn't support my knees well enough I needed to go soak my muscles in a warm bath.
I am not used to this discomfort, to this endless dull ache. I read this morning that it's normal. that the body as been finely tuned and in the last three tapering weeks of training the body feels the tuning. I should be proteining up this week, the protein allows the muscles to repair themselves, refresh themselves. Then next week I need to carb up. I had it backward, sort of.
So I finished off the brownies so they would stop tempting me and now I need to focus on protein. Hopefully an egg, peanut butter, milk, cheese and meat will take my dull aches away.
Friday, January 29, 2010
My Birthday
It's my birthday today. Ooookkkkaaayyyy not really but every month there is a day that feels like my birthday and it's the day my issue of Runner's World appears in my mailbox. Today my fingers ached to peruse each page from cover to cover to discover what new breakthroughs have been made, read the inspirational stories and laugh at the stories that I can relate to (sometimes a little too well).
As I read aloud the article on the Kara Goucher, one the US's leading distance runners, and her wrestling with confidence issues my work colleague, whom is also my roommate, declared that she had in mind to attempt a half marathon with me in November.
I think I am more excited by this prospect than she. I rapidly threw together a training schedule for her that includes the first five months of easy conditioning. I've decided that after this marathon is over that if any more "crazy" distances will be attempted by me I'm sticking to the half marathon. It's long enough to be a challenge but short enough not to put the wear and tear and stress on myself like this has.
If there is anything in this process I regret it would be the stress so half marathons it is.
As for my birthday, well the race we plan on running is on my real birthday weekend- again. So what better than annual birthday present for myself as good health and a long run.
Oh and by the way, if you want some inspiration today. Head over to Runner's World and check them out.
As I read aloud the article on the Kara Goucher, one the US's leading distance runners, and her wrestling with confidence issues my work colleague, whom is also my roommate, declared that she had in mind to attempt a half marathon with me in November.
I think I am more excited by this prospect than she. I rapidly threw together a training schedule for her that includes the first five months of easy conditioning. I've decided that after this marathon is over that if any more "crazy" distances will be attempted by me I'm sticking to the half marathon. It's long enough to be a challenge but short enough not to put the wear and tear and stress on myself like this has.
If there is anything in this process I regret it would be the stress so half marathons it is.
As for my birthday, well the race we plan on running is on my real birthday weekend- again. So what better than annual birthday present for myself as good health and a long run.
Oh and by the way, if you want some inspiration today. Head over to Runner's World and check them out.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Nerve Endings
The best part of a run is the end. Seriously, I know all of you (two) people who actually read this blog are laughing and thinking,"no kidding, cause then you aren't running anymore." That is true but for the me the best part about the run ending is how I feel. The run may have been hard or easy, I may have felt great or horrible, I may have been able to focus or every step may have taken mental effort- it doesn't really matter, because aftward I feel great.
Okay, so maybe I am sore, I may walk funny and I may be exhausted by emotionally and mentally- if not physically- I feel great. Even my worst runs I walk away from, generally, happy that I laced up my shoes and accomplished. I did it. I achieved that goal for myself that day. The endorphins kick in sure but the high is really the sense of accomplishment. The pride you feel when you completed a task you could have just as easily walked away from and no one faulted you.
When I tell people I run or when they find out, the usual response is," ooo I hate running" or "it's hard" or "i don't like to sweat." The responses are all reasons to avoid the task I completed giving me more fuel for feeling accomplished. The days I run and go to work I always say to myself when I sit down at my desk," hey, this will be no problem I've already run (x amount) miles today." Then I have a moment where I marvel that I can even say that, then it's back to reality for me.
The problem though with endings is that they are just that, the end. In a couple weeks this training will be finished. This journey completed, the finish line will be reached and my nerves will be back to normal ( I am praying for this). But right now, my nerves have the best of me. I am a beast to live with, my roommate can attest to this, I am nervouse, scared, excited and a little sad all in one.
Sad? yeah, sad. Because this has been an experience, a learning experience, an exercise in trust. Trusting myself to make wise decisions, trusting my body to tell me what it can or cannot do, trusting the mystery person I will never meet who posted the training schedule online that I have been using- thanks by the way whomever you are- trusting my family to support me, trusting my friends to encourage me. Trusting that I could do this.
It's weird when I set challenges for myself. Some I accomplish and moving on is easy, some I move toward and never reach and I'll regret for the rest of my life, and others I actually mourn as they come to a close. This will be one of them...
But in the mean time I will live at the end of my nerves allowing all the scenarios run through my brain as I lay awake at night tossing and turning. As my "true colors" are revealed in my rants about nothing at all, my aloofness in the midst of a crowd, or my sudden exuberance that leaves the grocery store patrons gasping of surprise.
Feelings, that's what this whole process has been about. It's the core cause or motivation for the weight gain/loss, marathon attempting/completing. They can't be ignored. THEY CANNOT BE IGNORED. So I will work through my grief the same way I work through everything else in my life. I will run.
Okay, so maybe I am sore, I may walk funny and I may be exhausted by emotionally and mentally- if not physically- I feel great. Even my worst runs I walk away from, generally, happy that I laced up my shoes and accomplished. I did it. I achieved that goal for myself that day. The endorphins kick in sure but the high is really the sense of accomplishment. The pride you feel when you completed a task you could have just as easily walked away from and no one faulted you.
When I tell people I run or when they find out, the usual response is," ooo I hate running" or "it's hard" or "i don't like to sweat." The responses are all reasons to avoid the task I completed giving me more fuel for feeling accomplished. The days I run and go to work I always say to myself when I sit down at my desk," hey, this will be no problem I've already run (x amount) miles today." Then I have a moment where I marvel that I can even say that, then it's back to reality for me.
The problem though with endings is that they are just that, the end. In a couple weeks this training will be finished. This journey completed, the finish line will be reached and my nerves will be back to normal ( I am praying for this). But right now, my nerves have the best of me. I am a beast to live with, my roommate can attest to this, I am nervouse, scared, excited and a little sad all in one.
Sad? yeah, sad. Because this has been an experience, a learning experience, an exercise in trust. Trusting myself to make wise decisions, trusting my body to tell me what it can or cannot do, trusting the mystery person I will never meet who posted the training schedule online that I have been using- thanks by the way whomever you are- trusting my family to support me, trusting my friends to encourage me. Trusting that I could do this.
It's weird when I set challenges for myself. Some I accomplish and moving on is easy, some I move toward and never reach and I'll regret for the rest of my life, and others I actually mourn as they come to a close. This will be one of them...
But in the mean time I will live at the end of my nerves allowing all the scenarios run through my brain as I lay awake at night tossing and turning. As my "true colors" are revealed in my rants about nothing at all, my aloofness in the midst of a crowd, or my sudden exuberance that leaves the grocery store patrons gasping of surprise.
Feelings, that's what this whole process has been about. It's the core cause or motivation for the weight gain/loss, marathon attempting/completing. They can't be ignored. THEY CANNOT BE IGNORED. So I will work through my grief the same way I work through everything else in my life. I will run.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Waiting Game
I've heard almost every single one "bride-to-be" that I have ever encountered lament that they are just, "ready for it to be over" about one to two months before the event is even scheduled to take place. The endless planning, double checking, balancing in-law requests and their own family demands begin to pile up so much that the much anticipated day doesn't seem like so much fun. Or at least the planning for it is no longer fun. They just want some relief.
I imagine that in the next few weeks that how I will be feeling. I am excited, don't get me wrong, but at the same time I am really, really anxious. We began the countdown at work so every moment of the day the number of days stares me straight in the face.
I read at the beginning of this that the last month of training plays with your head. Not only is it the most intense of the months (longer runs, makes sense) but it also has you eyeing every one suspiciously. Especially those who are coughing, sneezing, wiping their noses or doing anything else that may indicate sickness. You also are supposed to start walking on egg shells.
It's true. I am living proof that this is in fact the correct phenomenon that occurs. I've invested too much time and money into this goal to allow some sickly kid who doesn't know how to cover his mouth to ruin it for me. I've even gotten to the point where I ask my roommate to perform some things around the house that could end distasterously for me. Like climbing up on a chair, etc. I even pay way more attention to walking down the stairs than I usually do.
How much have I invested? Well every day for the past 6 months. I will have run over 700 miles BEFORE I even run the marathon.
8 pairs of shorts (because I had to move down a size a couple weeks ago) so $120 there, 4 short sleeved running shirts $60 there, 1 long sleeved running shirt total cost $20 (because I had a gift card for the other $30), socks $10, headband hankerchefs $4, Body Glide $8,gummi bears $7, Gatorade $6, 2 pairs of shoes specific for my gait $250, hotel in San Antonio $80, transportation and meals in San Antonio $60, hotel in Austin $360, plus meals and transportation. Registration for the half marathon $100, registration for the marathon $75. Oh and one water belt $20.
To date costs $1,180.
So, I believe I have the right to walk on egg shells for the next few weeks because after all, it's now become a waiting game.
I imagine that in the next few weeks that how I will be feeling. I am excited, don't get me wrong, but at the same time I am really, really anxious. We began the countdown at work so every moment of the day the number of days stares me straight in the face.
I read at the beginning of this that the last month of training plays with your head. Not only is it the most intense of the months (longer runs, makes sense) but it also has you eyeing every one suspiciously. Especially those who are coughing, sneezing, wiping their noses or doing anything else that may indicate sickness. You also are supposed to start walking on egg shells.
It's true. I am living proof that this is in fact the correct phenomenon that occurs. I've invested too much time and money into this goal to allow some sickly kid who doesn't know how to cover his mouth to ruin it for me. I've even gotten to the point where I ask my roommate to perform some things around the house that could end distasterously for me. Like climbing up on a chair, etc. I even pay way more attention to walking down the stairs than I usually do.
How much have I invested? Well every day for the past 6 months. I will have run over 700 miles BEFORE I even run the marathon.
8 pairs of shorts (because I had to move down a size a couple weeks ago) so $120 there, 4 short sleeved running shirts $60 there, 1 long sleeved running shirt total cost $20 (because I had a gift card for the other $30), socks $10, headband hankerchefs $4, Body Glide $8,gummi bears $7, Gatorade $6, 2 pairs of shoes specific for my gait $250, hotel in San Antonio $80, transportation and meals in San Antonio $60, hotel in Austin $360, plus meals and transportation. Registration for the half marathon $100, registration for the marathon $75. Oh and one water belt $20.
To date costs $1,180.
So, I believe I have the right to walk on egg shells for the next few weeks because after all, it's now become a waiting game.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
24 Miler
It's the eve of my 24 miler. The last long run before the marathon. As I was posting this fact on both Twitter and Facebook this afternoon I realized how irrational that sounds. I mean. Next Sunday's run will be 9 miles, isn't that long anymore?
When I began all of this and was pleased I could run 3 miles altogether 9 miles was a long way indeed. Now, here I am lamenting anxiously about attempting 24 miles tomorrow.
As I stood at my desk yesterday at work and put my personal belonging in my file cabinet I saw out of the corner of my eye the course map that's been pasted to my wall since August. It hit me, the reality of this sunk in...I am going to run a marathon.
I. AM. GOING. TO. RUN. A. MARATHON.
What the crap??? Me?
I chuckled to myself and let the moment pass me by but allowing first the irony of this situation sink in.
So, soon it's off to bed as I tackle the last big hurdle before the big day.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
LSD
After each Long Slow Day run I am always amazed by how I feel. I don't always feel good so it's not about the endorphins or runner's high. It's mostly about how the body works, functions, recovers.
Yesterday's 22 miler didn't go as smoothly as last week's 20 miler. Granted I had been sick for the four days preceeding the run. I was weak, poorly nuritioned and tired. It was hard to focus on the task at hand but after going to bed very early I woke up at 3 am and made my trek to the gym for my four hour run.
I needed a nap after the run, whereas I hadn't needed one after the previous two week's run, I was actually hungry- when usually I am not, and I was in a lot of pain- again, a first in a long while. Every muscle I have seemed to scream at me and as usual my legs were drained and tired. I found muscles I never knew I had, my inner thighs hurt and my calves were cramping like no tomorrow.
It wasn't pain that made me cry out or cringe, it could best be described as my muscles were sore and tight. A very unpleasant feeling when all you want is to relax. After icing my knees and laying in bed for a couple hours I forced myself up to vaccumm. Hobbling at first and having to explain to my roommate that it looked worse than it felt and I needed to keep my muscles moving, I cleaned the house then took a nap.
They say, if you research this kind of running, that one of the best things to do for yourself is to sleep. Runner's need lots of sleep because it allows for muscle recovery in addition to mental recovery. Were they ever right!
I got up from my nap and walked confidently and quickly across the house feeling like a brand new woman. And this morning, you would never be able to know I almost ran a marathon yesterday. I am quite simply amazed how after a great run and I can just walk around like nothing extraordinary happened and I am even more amazed at how quickly the body goes into action of recovering even from the harder runs.
I continue to look toward the next week's LSD. One more stands in the way between me and the beginning of the goal I set for myself almost 6 months ago. Completing 26.2 miles.
Yesterday's 22 miler didn't go as smoothly as last week's 20 miler. Granted I had been sick for the four days preceeding the run. I was weak, poorly nuritioned and tired. It was hard to focus on the task at hand but after going to bed very early I woke up at 3 am and made my trek to the gym for my four hour run.
I needed a nap after the run, whereas I hadn't needed one after the previous two week's run, I was actually hungry- when usually I am not, and I was in a lot of pain- again, a first in a long while. Every muscle I have seemed to scream at me and as usual my legs were drained and tired. I found muscles I never knew I had, my inner thighs hurt and my calves were cramping like no tomorrow.
It wasn't pain that made me cry out or cringe, it could best be described as my muscles were sore and tight. A very unpleasant feeling when all you want is to relax. After icing my knees and laying in bed for a couple hours I forced myself up to vaccumm. Hobbling at first and having to explain to my roommate that it looked worse than it felt and I needed to keep my muscles moving, I cleaned the house then took a nap.
They say, if you research this kind of running, that one of the best things to do for yourself is to sleep. Runner's need lots of sleep because it allows for muscle recovery in addition to mental recovery. Were they ever right!
I got up from my nap and walked confidently and quickly across the house feeling like a brand new woman. And this morning, you would never be able to know I almost ran a marathon yesterday. I am quite simply amazed how after a great run and I can just walk around like nothing extraordinary happened and I am even more amazed at how quickly the body goes into action of recovering even from the harder runs.
I continue to look toward the next week's LSD. One more stands in the way between me and the beginning of the goal I set for myself almost 6 months ago. Completing 26.2 miles.
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